Right before my dad & mom left for New Mexico, my dad & I shared a conversation about dealing with life & letting go of your past. My dad has faced some pretty harsh challenges since losing his job last year & I have been amazed at his attitude & his ability to keep moving forward & to never talk about the things that happened as if they are roadblocks for him even now. I have been guilty of this until probably the last couple of years when I too came to the realization that my past does not define where I go in the future. Who I choose to be in the future & what I choose to do in the present is what defines me. Some may disagree, because some may feel that what has happened to them in the past is what made them who they are today & while I believe this to be true, I also believe we should not dwell on the negative things in our past & use them as crutches to explain who we are today. Because in most cases it only blames someone else for the path your life has taken. It only places blame on an incident or a person for shaping & molding you & how you make decisions & face life today. I try not to use the hardships I have endured in life, as crutches, only life lessons that I can keep to myself in time of need; when I need a reminder that I can conquer this hardship too.
For example, "I cannot commit to a relationship because 'such & such' happened to me once before," or "I don't want to get married or have children because 'such & such' happened to me when I was younger," or "I am this way because of what happened to me 'such & such' years ago." Who or what does it help to dwell on those things? Does it really help to overcome the challenges you face today, to say, I can't because of 'this'? Wouldn't it be so much more profound to say, I CAN because I overcame 'this'? Or not to even share it at all! This is what my dad was saying. A lot of people look at him & ask, "Why did you get into the trucking industry? You don't look the part," and he would reply, "I simply wanted to try something new or I needed a new way of life." He didn't go on for a while telling how he lost his job & his home & how he was downtrodden & burned by the manufacturing industry & just couldn't stand to go back because upper management felt he was no longer worth anything after 14 years of good hard work built on many, many more years of experience. How he was no longer wanted simply because he never got a college degree, so decided to try trucking."
He had always dreamed of going out on the road to see new things & travel to new areas, just to see what it's like & losing his job simply provided the outlet for him to do that, so why dwell on how he got there? He was using the events that unfolded over the past year as building blocks to a better life, a new life, not stumbling blocks to a life full of guilt, regret & blame.
I believe looking forward is the only way you'll get where you're going or even better, where you WANT to be.