Okay, apparently some of you don't agree with my feeling of offense or don't understand why I get offended at the comments I receive when people find out I have 5 kids. I even had a discussion about it with my dear friend & this is the reply I gave to her in an e-mail. I don't want all of you to agree with me, but I do want you to try your best to see where I am coming from. And I do love discussions, so I couldn't resist following up on this one.
"Okay, so, I go to the store with just the twins & people come over & say, "Oh how cute. How precious," blah, blah, blah & it's no big deal, but then they ask if they're my only ones & then I say, No & then it's almost automatic with some people that they say, "You look great to have 5 kids." Well, why didn't I look great to have twins, why did it change when they heard I had 5 kids? Why do I have to be judged on how I look based on how many kids I have? So the lady down the aisle from me that is dressed up in heels with her nails done & her hair so freshly clean & shiny, she couldn't possibly have 5 kids, right? She just doesn't have the look? But, me, I look great......for having 5 kids. This clearly shows that there is a stereotype or a certain image of how a woman with several kids should look & I feel it offensive that they have to say something like that to me because I have more than just a couple of kids. See, it's so hard for me to explain because I think it's so easy to see how it's offensive. I just don't know how to explain it any better. These people don't choose to say this because I only have twins, it only comes after they hear how many kids I have. They think they're giving me a compliment, but really they aren't. If they had said it over just the twins, maybe I wouldn't be so offended, but they don't. It's only after I blurt out that they're not my only kids. And when I just have the older 3, they say, "Oh, you have your hands full," not "Oh, you have your hands full, but I love the smile on your face. It looks like you're having so much fun!" It's negative, you can see it in the way they say it, in the face they make. Guess you'd have to experience it just as I do to understand. Because I haven't done anything to make myself look any better or put any more effort into taking care of myself since I've had 5 kids. I would do the same, look the same & act the same even if I had just one child. So, the comment I think is totally unnecessary & it is offensive to me. I'm not rude to them, I ALWAYS smile & say thank you & I don't get complain about it all the way home. I just let it go & forget about it. But, just once I needed to vent about it, so that I can stand it the next 30 times someone tells me the same thing. Because to me this is what I hear, "To have 5 kids you look great, but if you only had 1, well, we'd expect you to look better than that." Some mom out there with 5 or more kids, may need to hear this, but I don't like it. And when someone tells me I am blessed for having that many children, I whole heartedly accept that as a compliment, because I do from time to time wonder if that very person telling me this even has any children of their own & I hope that they do because it is a wonderful & magical thing."
So, there you have it. Hopefully you can see why I get offended now
& I could hope to be more positive about in the future, but I know I'll hear it for probably the next 18 years at least, so I might as well get used to it, right? Or I could just give in & not do my hair & makeup everyday, not shower everyday, not give a darn what I wear everyday & leave the shirt on that has the spit up stains on it & then maybe I wouldn't have to hear anything from people at all because they'd feel too sorry for me & just be quiet & look away. Yeah! Maybe that's the answer to all my problems! :) Love you guys for responding! Keep the comments coming!