I had not looked at the header of this blog for quite a while & when I did, it instantly brought tears to my eyes. I don't even know that Maria anymore. I don't remember what she was like, what she loved to do, how she made it through the day with a smile on her face. I look in the mirror now & it's not the same woman. This woman has sadness in her eyes, anger on her lips and regret in her heart. This woman wears two sizes bigger than the girl in those pictures because she gave birth to twins, very healthy, wonderful, adorable twins who needed more room in her stomach than she could handle & now all that extra skin is lifeless and permanent. And she doesn't have the time, energy or the faith to even try to do something about it, fearing all the hard work would only prove to do nothing, but make the lifeless skin more noticeable against a smaller figure. The one & only thing that I know to be the same is the love she has for the main man in her life. In fact, that love is even stronger because of what they've endured, but she feels unworthy to ask for this kind of love, yet she holds on with all her might praying he won't break when things get even tougher because she's sure that they will, they always do.
I just wish I could take all my gratitude for my 5 healthy, beautiful, wonderful children; my gratefulness for a 5 bedroom home with so many nice things and closets full of necessities; my love for good things and good people & just magnify it so big that I can't deny that it's there, that it will overtake all the bad & cover it with good. But, that's not reality, hahahaha, that's just stupidity. I have to grapple and inch and fight my way through it all to get to the top where all that stuff lies.
I'm tired. But, there's just a little bit left in me to keep going, for today.